Resilience and Emotional Wholeness Are Both Essential 

Taiwo Blessing Ogunseyi

A 38-year-old Nigerian lecturer in Yibin, Sichuan Province 

Parenting should be intentional and balanced, as too much strictness can silence a child, while too much freedom can leave them without direction. 

In many African societies, raising children has traditionally been rooted in discipline, respect for others and resilience. The proverb “it takes a village to raise a child” was not just a proverb - any elder in the community could, and would, correct your behaviour. Children are often taught early that life is not easy, and that strength comes from enduring hardship. This approach is deeply cultural. Discipline is seen not as punishment, but as preparation for the realities of life. It reflects a belief that a child who is guided firmly will grow into a responsible adult. Even today, many families still hold on to this idea, valuing structure, obedience and moral upbringing as essential foundations. 

However, modern African parenting is gradually shifting. For instance, in my country, there is a growing awareness that while discipline is necessary, excessive harshness can leave lasting emotional effects. I believe true character is built through meaningful challenges, not through fear. What was once called “tough love” is now being questioned, as some forms of strict upbringing can create fear, distance between parents and children, or low self-esteem, rather than resilience. This has led many parents to rethink their methods, not by abandoning discipline but by redefining it. The focus is slowly moving towards raising children who are not only respectful and strong, but also emotionally secure and confident. 

In my opinion, hardship alone does not automatically build character. It builds resilience only when combined with guidance, understanding and support. Without that balance, it risks becoming something else entirely. On the other hand, a comfortable upbringing is not inherently harmful. When children are given emotional support, opportunities and freedom within boundaries, they are more likely to develop confidence and self-worth. Therefore, the real issue is not whether parenting is strict or generous, but whether it is intentional and balanced. 

In today’s fast-changing world, I believe the most effective approach lies somewhere in between. Discipline should aim to teach and correct, not intimidate, while love should guide, not spoil. Children need structure to understand responsibility, but they also need space to express themselves and grow into independent thinkers. A balanced upbringing offers the best chance of raising individuals who are both resilient and emotionally whole. 

No Gift Can Replace a Parent’s Time  

Dai Huilin

A 39-year-old Chinese teacher in Shaoyang, Hunan Province 

For generations, parents have debated whether children should be raised “frugally” or “abundantly.” Yet the real issue is rarely money. More often, it is the presence or absence of thoughtful parental love. 

A colleague of mine believes children should not be given whatever they ask for. The words his child hears most often are, “That’s too expensive” and “We can’t afford it.” Over time, the child has stopped asking for things altogether. Occasionally relatives bring gifts, but the child no longer shows the spontaneous delight typical of childhood; instead, there is silence and a certain awkward restraint. 

Another friend takes the opposite approach. His home is filled with toys, yet his child frequently demands new ones. The father works tirelessly to keep up with these requests, often complaining about how much children want nowadays. Yet he still finds himself regularly collecting parcels of toys from the delivery station. 

At first glance, one family practises “frugal parenting” and the other “abundant parenting.” In truth, both reveal a lack of attention to a deeper kind of wealth. The colleague’s constant emphasis on cost quietly instils a sense of limitation and unworthiness in his child. The friend, meanwhile, provides plenty of material goods but offers little guidance or restraint in shaping his child’s character. 

The consequences become visible in small moments. Once, when the children played together, the friend’s child mocked the other for having old toys, snatched them away and threw them down. The other child said nothing, only standing there, hurt and helpless. 

Material abundance or scarcity can never replace the deeper wealth of the spirit, nor does it determine the quality of upbringing. What children need most is not more things, but the presence and participation of their parents. 

Instead of saying, “that’s too expensive,” a parent might say, “let’s make something like it together.”  

True “frugality” helps children to rediscover simplicity and resilience. True “abundance” nourishes confidence and optimism within. Both, however, depend on the same foundation: loving presence.