( PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY MAYA REID )

In China, family is very important. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the Mandarin language, in which the Chinese character for "good," or hao - 好- is made up of two elements: a woman and child, together. Because, of course, a woman having a child is a good thing – good for society and its longevity, good for its men.

It goes without saying that this "good," traditional family structure is rigidly heterosexual. In fact, to pursue anything other than building a family with a member of the opposite sex was considered a pathology until 2001. That year, homosexuality was deleted from the list of illnesses detailed in the Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders.

In the years since, the Chinese gay and lesbian community has developed rapidly. More and more young people are publicly "out" amongst their peers, frequenting gay-friendly bars and clubs scattered across major cities like Beijing, Shanghai and Chengdu. But in a country where same-sex marriage is not legal, this new visibility and openness has an expiration date for many. According to 2003 research by the Chinese Society for the Study of Sexual Minorities, an organization of academics based in the United States, more than 90 percent of middle-aged gay men and lesbians are in heterosexual marriages. That pressure – the expectation to marry and have a child – still remains for the current young generation.

Family ties

This pressure is not only from society at large, it's from parents as well. Pengfei, a 25-year-old gay man in Beijing, and Lidan, a 21-year-old lesbian living in Chengdu, both cite parental pressure as their main reason for not coming out to their families. (Both declined to use their real names in this article. Lidan was particularly concerned her mother might see her name in print.)

"I don't know what their reaction would be. I'm afraid they wouldn't be able to accept or understand," said Pengfei. He has been in a relationship with his boyfriend for the last year and a half. They met at a hot pot restaurant where a social activity for gay men was being held. "I don't currently plan on coming out, but I guess I will wait until I'm a bit older and see," he explained, adding vaguely optimistically, "Maybe things will be different when my parents are older, and I am more established."

Lidan has similar concerns. "I'm still using their money and I'm afraid that they might stop supporting me," she explained. "I think that if I were more independent, then I could tell them," she said.

Lidan is currently single. She said she feels pressed by her family to ultimately enter into a straight marriage, but that this stress hasn't started in earnest yet because she is still relatively young. "In a few years, I think I will have more pressure from my family," she said. In many Chinese families, she explained, when a girl turns 20 the pressure to get married increases. Lidan also attributes this pressure to China's one-child policy, of which she is a product: "My parents are traditional. They rely on me to have a grandchild. If I had a brother or sister I'm sure the pressure would be less."

Frida Haapaniemi, a Chengdu-based Swedish researcher affiliated with Uppsala University. Her work focuses on China's lesbian community, says this kind of pressure is common, and it's greater if  women live closer to their families. As such, many lesbians move away from their hometowns to attain more freedom. Lidan lives across the country from her own family; her parents are in Beijing.