Categorization

Haapaniemi's research presented in the paper "Lalaland: Categorization and Change in the Chinese Lesbian Community" explores not only why Chinese lesbians end up marrying men, but the impact of categories in the lala community, as it's known colloquially. Lala tend to identify in one of three ways: T for "tomboy," or what would be referred to in the West as "butch;" P for po, meaning "wife," more overtly feminine; and H for bufen or "uncategorized."

Haapaniemi says that if a lesbian chooses not to categorize herself, it is something of a paradox and she is automatically considered an H. When it comes to relationships, she said, "[Couples] don't really want to be seen as girl-and-girl. They want to be seen as boy-and-girl, which makes them kind of invisible." Ts and Ps partner together, and barring that, they date an H. There is little, if any, same-category dating.

According to Haapaniemi, this trend is reflective of Chinese heterosexual society, and can be attributed somewhat to the newness of China's gay movement. In an interview with ChinAfrica, Bin Xu, Director of Common Language at Tongyu, a community-based support and rights group in Beijing for Chinese lesbian, bisexual women and transgendered people, explained why the gay community's value system is so similar to that of heterosexual society. "It's in the early stage," she said. "If you look at the history of movements in the West, in the early years a lot of [gays and lesbians] their values were also kind of mainstream. [In China, too,] we are educated from childhood with these mainstream values."

But for all its mainstream underpinnings, China's current young gays and lesbians, just like their straight counterparts, are often at odds with traditional values. Monogamous relationships are hard to come by. "It's very promiscuous and very difficult to find a partner," Pengfei lamented of the gay community. Online chat rooms like BJBoy.Net where homosexual men can meet are highly sexually-charged places. There's very little opportunity for actual conversation. Approaching someone without immediately identifying your key stats – age, height, weight and 1 or 0 preference (sex preferences for gay men) – may spell the end of a chat before it has even begun.

Dating can be haphazard in the lala community as well. This has to do in part with what Haapaniemi describes as an influx of straight women into the community. "A lot of the T, P and H out there are not real lesbians," she explained. "Especially P. It has become trendy of late to date a handsome T-girl. Some straight girls see T as an easier and softer version of a guy." There is mistrust toward those who identify themselves as P, and as a result, "a lot of T tend to be quite playboyish and don't want to settle for a serious relationship." This environment, Haapaniemi said, can lead some to cave into the family pressure of getting married.

The M word

In the end, it always comes back to marriage.

Speaking about a small-scale survey Tongyu conducted with lesbian women, Xu said that 80 percent of the respondents said yes, they would love to marry their girlfriends if and when same-sex marriage is legalized in China. When asked this question in her interview, Lidan's own response was an enthusiastic "Of course!" Pengfei said such a policy change would encourage him to come out to his parents.

Marriage options for gays and lesbians are no longer just limited to entering into a classically heterosexual union. "In recent years in China there's a new phenomenon, which is a marriage of convenience: A gay man marries a lesbian," explained Xu. "This is a way to cope with marriage pressure, but it's complicated. Because it's a fake marriage, and sometimes [your] parents also ask you to have children."

Both Lidan and Pengfei are ambivalent about the possibility of entering into a fake marriage to appease their parents. When asked whether he would marry a lesbian, Pengfei answered hesitantly, "I don't know... Maybe." He would like to have a child one day – of that he is sure. "I plan on adopting later, when I am more financially stable. Or maybe I would also consider finding a surrogate mother, or a lesbian women to marry." But, he said, "I really hope to raise a child together with another man." On Lidan's part, she would like a child in the future, but "I don't want to have it with a man."

Perhaps, though, it's this ambivalence toward traditional family models that will be the catalyst for change for China's gay and lesbian community. The last decade has seen a huge shift in the community's visibility to the Chinese general public, and the next 10 years will hopefully bring much needed transformation in social attitudes toward gays and lesbians. Moreover, alternative family forms already exist in this society so heavily rooted in tradition – namely due to divorce and the accompanying rise of single-parent families.

Diversity is a powerful stimulus for change, said Xu. "Maybe gay people have more freedom than heterosexual people. Because if you don't follow the [conventional] social rules to be a heterosexual and to be in a heterosexual marriage, then actually you are more free. You might have more options. You can create your own sense of family."