Modern-Traditional Mixes in Lesotho

by Tiisetso Moremoholo

The moment I had dreamt of for years finally arrived at 12:20 p.m. on Saturday May 7, 2005. It was a done deal. In the presence of over 300 guests, the man I had chosen to share my life with and I were pronounced husband and wife.

I was ecstatic. Just as in a fairy tale, dressed in a white gown with a long train, I was the princess who had finally married her prince, destined to live happily ever after. 

Like many Basotho, my wedding started on a Saturday morning with a church wedding ceremony, followed by a photograph session and then a D.J.'d lunch at my parent's house. This, in a nutshell, is a typical "white wedding" in Lesotho.

Weddings in Basotho culture have become very Westernized. This is not a new practice. Both of my grandmothers had white weddings in the late 1940s and in the mid 1950s, respectively. So, it has been this way for a while and it does not look like it is about to change.

If anything, whatever role our culture played on the actual wedding day itself is fast fading. In the past, having a lunch at the bride's home was very common, but lately secluded resorts are the hot spot for wedding venues. Lately, there is a lot more to consider beyond the bride's dress. It's all about being trendy, but not tacky. This goes for the wedding cake, invitation cards, and in some cases, even the guests. Above all, there's the ring: the bigger the bling, the better. 

Wedding ceremonies may have become more Westernized and commercialized, but traditional culture still has its place in marriage for Basotho. A wedding is merely a symbolic occasion merging not only two people, but two families. It's this exchange that is at the heart of every traditional – and now modern – wedding.

I remember the day my father-in-law and his brother came to my parent's house to ask for my hand in marriage. It was a proud moment for me, and I imagine it was for my parents, too. 

I always knew that I wanted my wedding to take the traditional route. Typically this entails the groom's male elders first meeting with the bride's male elders at her home to ask for her hand in marriage (as happened for me), and then mahali bride price negotiations at a later date. During this second meeting, the future bride is called in to confirm that she knows the man represented by his father and elders. I, too, was called for this purpose.

These days there is a lot of debate surrounding bride price. Some feel it implies a woman is owned by a man upon payment. Traditionally, cows were used as payment, but now not many people have actual cows or farms to house them if they receive such a bride price.

Honestly, I don't view this custom as the sale of a woman because nobody can be bought. Well, at least I couldn't. For me it symbolized tradition, although my husband's wallet may think otherwise. Some families demand an absurd amount of money to "recover the costs they spent on educating their daughter." When things are handled in this manner, I do feel like it's attaching value to a woman. I think all women are valuable and precious, irrespective of their level of education.

Although I welcomed the bride price practice, I acknowledge it can be a hindrance for men who would like to marry but cannot afford to pay it. In the past, a man seeking to marry would look to his parents to supply the cows but now the responsibility mostly falls on his own shoulders. This means he spends money he and his wife-to-be could have used toward their needs as a newly wedded couple. In the same breadth, white weddings are very costly, too, and also exhaust finances that could have been used by the couple.

The important thing to remember, though, is that a happy, lasting marriage is priceless. A wedding day's price tag is not a reflection of the marriage's value.