Hollywood this year has been in love with the idea of friends "with benefits," and it seems like people have forgotten that women and men have friendships where sex never enters the equation. But is the idea of a platonic relationship a delusion? Lu Yurong, a graduate student at Shanghai Jiao Tong University, and South African Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa, a graphic designer and student at the Beijing Institute of Fashion Technology, discuss.

Friends Without Benefits

by Lu Yurong

Years ago, a boyfriend broke up with me. It was no easy job to get over him. I talked with my girlfriends, shared my feelings and temporarily felt relieved to some extent. But at night, tossing and turning in bed, loneliness and sadness crept into my heart. Fortunately, one of my male friends was there to listen, giving me suggestions that I hadn't heard from my girlfriends. I learned about how men think and feel, and emerged from the relationship sadder but wiser.

On whether platonic friendships between men and women are possible, different people have different opinions. Some believe that men and women can have friendships without sex, while others argue that it is a delusion. As far as I am concerned, I give my vote to the former. My experience is a striking illustration of male-female friendship without sex.

While my best friends are girls, whom I tend to share my feelings with, it is rewarding to have a male friend. A male friend can offer practical suggestions from a different perspective that I seldom get from my girlfriends. A friend of the opposite gender will broaden your knowledge in areas like sports, cars, business and other topics you might seldom talk about with your friends of the same gender. Making friends of the opposite sex also helps to improve your social skills and ability to communicate.

However, platonic friendships between men and women are hard to keep for long. Social pressure is a challenge. When people find out you have a friend of the opposite gender, they might not voice it out loud, but they may be thinking, "They must be friends with benefits." And if your friend is having a serious romantic relationship with another person, things are even more complicated. His or her partner may spare no effort to break up your friendship, because they think that you two may cross the line sooner or later.

No doubt, it is difficult not to cross that line. Feelings can grow when people spend a lot of time together. Once one person has crush on the other, the platonic friendship can go one of two ways: It can end permanently or it can turn into a romantic relationship. Boundaries are important, but hard to establish.

An opposite sex friendship without benefits is rare. If you have one, you are blessed. Cherish and nurture it; it takes great courage and strong determination to maintain.

Friends With Tension

by Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa

For many people, defining a relationship has become more abstract. Nowadays, dating and marriage is a list of rules and regulations, and forms like "friends with benefits," "no strings attached," and the ever-complicated "open relationship" are taking hold.

But since coming to China, I have redefined my relationships with both women and men. In the past I had many girlfriends, but along the way I lost most of them. A few remained, but we don't talk much now due to distance. Moving to China, my girlfriend list has shrunk from 10 to just one.

I had my fair share of girlfriends in Beijing, but as the myth goes: too many hens in a cage means trouble. I myself have been one of those hens, dealing in gossip and bullying.

When I was young, friendship was about hanging out at school sharing my lunch, checking out boys and doing homework together. As a grownup, when my best girlfriend and I speak, it's as if we have lived a thousand years together. It's a change from previous girlfriends who put too much energy into malicious gossip. One thing my girl and I have in common, though, is close guy friends.

I love hanging with my guy friends. It's not only easy to be honest with them, but also easy to be myself around them. They are fun and brutally honest – qualities I prefer. But sex is an issue.

In my experience, male-female friendship usually grows from a relationship that couldn't work, or is a friendship that works with occasional sexual tension, be it a kiss, a brush of the thigh, or even sex. I have indulged in "benefits" with guy friends. That is what sparked our friendship in the first place. You don't just spot a guy, walk up to him and say, "Hey player! Saw you at the bar earlier, you want to be friends?" That's not what's done. Even if it was, he'd reply to say, "With benefits?"

My girl and I love our guy friends, but sometimes – especially when the guys are out drinking without us – we need a friend that we understand and who truly understands us. And sometimes we want more. Sometimes we may need a friend with all the benefits.

Where it goes from here? I don't know. I'm glad I found my true friends. Whether it goes to the bedroom or until death, I'm just glad I found them.