With China's Valentine's Day fast approaching this August 23, love is a hot topic. Why do we fall in love? And why do we fall in love with one person rather than another? An expert on romantic love, American anthropologist Helen Fisher addresses these age-old questions and explains how the brain shapes how we love in her book Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Fisher describes love as a universal human drive, a powerful emotion, and sometimes even an addiction and obsession. Wu Jingjing, Secretary to the President at IGRS Engineering Lab Ltd., and Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa, a South African meeting analyst at HLD Events in Beijing share their takes on romantic love.

How Love Looks in China

by Wu Jingjing

In television and film it's common to hear the line "The moment I saw her, I told myself, 'She's the one!'" But in the real world, the typical phrase tends to be more along the lines of "I never thought I would have this kind of person as my soul mate." And if you look at the person speaking, you'll surely see the glow of happiness on his face.

As far as I can tell, I've never fallen in love at first sight. I'm not sure whether it's because of my self-protective instincts or because I'm able to control my emotions (at least in the very beginning), but for me, love begins with "like." I definitely can tell whether I like or dislike someone at first sight. In a way, "like" is what I consider my foundation of love.

I believe in aura sharing – a kind of sixth sense that involves the sharing of similar socioeconomic backgrounds and religious values, and the same general level of intelligence and looks. Only with these similarities can I fall into a potential romantic relationship with someone. It's a process – one that may take a long time for affection to develop – but it's what I believe explains why people fall in love.

As Helen Fisher says, romantic love sometimes is an addiction and obsession. I'd been experiencing obsessive thinking toward a boyfriend for over three years when I discovered he'd been cheating on me for several months. After the breakup, I tried to understand why I'd been blind for so long. I recalled reading about how romantic feelings come partially from a person's significant other, but most of it – around 80 percent – is a product of personal imagination and desires.

In other words, I focused intensely on the man I loved, busy enjoying the affection I was building up in the relationship, while ignoring the signs he was broadcasting about wanting to get out of our relationship. Chemistry was working energetically on my side, but I was living in a one-person play. We needed more of a connection, more interaction.

Looking back, I regret that I wasted so much time caught up in a singular mindset. But, nonetheless, I'm grateful. The experience has helped me a lot in my current relationship. I've realized that when love arrives, it matters little why we love. What matters most is continuing the romance in a positive way.

What Is Love

by Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa

Finding love is definitely one of the most difficult things about living abroad. Many of us are drawn to romantic partners for specific reasons, but when you go international, you go flexible.

Finding love in Beijing really puts you out of your comfort zone. Most women are not just looking for a "friend with benefits," but something more serious. Still, it may be something they have to embrace if they want to date at all in China's capital.  

It's common to hear from my foreign girlfriends, "We are last on the food chain," and "Asia may not be the place to instantly fall in love." I've seen a few girls date outside their ethnic groups, but I feel there is some sort of sacrifice that accompanies this. Personalities change; the friends they have become the friends they had; fewer phone calls are made to parents who may not approve of their daughter's significant other.

I often wonder how Chinese women manage to date outside their culture, given how strict the culture can be. Can they speak freely about how they really feel? I did a little research with my Chinese friends who are in multiracial relationships. They all seem happy. A Chinese girlfriend of mine who is dating an African guy, explained to me, "It's so much better to date a foreigner. You don't have to rush into marriage and have kids, like most Chinese young couples. You have time to work hard and make enough money, so by the time you consider kids you have the time and money to spend on them."

Relationships are complex. We all try to understand them and why they work or don't work. When I arrived in Beijing in 2008, love, commitment, family and kids were the furthest things from my mind. But now, I've come to realize that I do want a family. I would love to have kids and I would love to call someone my husband. It's a constant song in my head playing over and over again. So with all this said, I can honestly say that love has no color, no restrictions, no boundaries, and no limits.

If you think about it, we already experience love every day: From our mothers, fathers, children, colleagues, friends – and even our "friends" on social networks. For me, love is as critical for the mind and body as oxygen is, because love is everywhere.