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VOL.4 November 2012
The Power of Girlfriends
Writers share their takes on female friendship

Female friendship has become such a powerful topic that even scientists are investigating the phenomenon. A study conducted by the UCLA School of Medicine found that when women are with girlfriends, their bodies emit the "feel-good" hormone oxytocin, helping to reduce everyday stress.

Friendship also protects women. According to research, it buffers the hardships of life's transitions, boosts immunity and promotes healing. By prioritizing female friendships and spending time with these friends, women take advantage of a very simple, natural way to reduce stress.

Wu Jingjing, Secretary to the President at IGRS Engineering Lab Ltd., and Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa, a South African meeting analyst at HLD Events in Beijing, share their takes on female friendship.

 

The Value of Female Friendship

by Wu Jingjing

It seems that all of a sudden, we see books on different ways of thinking and communications between men and women in bookstores, on blogs and even in movies. Women talk more, while men think more. Women talk to release pressure and complaints or just to have fun, while men are always looking for solutions both from talking and thinking. Women care more about interpersonal intimacy and emotional attachment. This is why women often feel more comfortable spending time with girlfriends than they do with male companions when they feel blue.

As a matter of fact, I thought chats were of no real use for a long time. Whenever my girlfriends told me about their problems, I tried to tell them how to solve them, but to no avail. I noticed that it didn't matter what I said; what mattered to them was that I was listening. Afterward, I changed my ways and tried to comfort them by saying "don't worry" or "things are going to be okay," and they were much more willing to listen! I was confused until one day I encountered something really bad in my life, after which I found it easy to understand my girlfriends' behavior.

Those days were gloomy for me. I felt like I didn't have enough strength to face the future. I couldn't help but tell my friends of my pain, depression and disappointment. My girlfriends patted me on the shoulder saying that everything would be fine, while male friends were trying to find the best way for me to overcome my hardships and difficulties.

I found myself more dependent on my female friends. I was even reluctant to hear any rational solutions from my male friends for a while. I knew that my girlfriends were not helping pragmatically, but I did feel better and believed that I could walk out of the haze in a short time, which I did.  

As far as I could see, chatting can divert one's attention from problems, which, in fact, are not as hard to solve as they seem. When we're distracted from negative emotions, it's easier to keep a clear head and face our problems.

When I chat with my female friends, they know exactly how to "communicate" in our own special way. This is surely a natural instinct rather than any rational analysis. I have to admit that sometimes I get more relaxed around my girlfriends than male friends, because the laughter and tears with girls leave me with no stress and worries, but instead with intimacy and warmth.

I call my girlfriends and they call me from time to time, setting some time aside for dinner or shopping. But we all know that it's not only about sharing a meal or buying clothes, but relaxing in our aimless and endless chats on boys, families, work, future and of course, gossip.

We could say that in some circumstances, we women need people to stand by our side emotionally, rather than rationally. And that's what girlfriends do.

 

Questionable Friendships

by Palesa Temaswati Mthethwa

Growing up, I had a lot of friends. My earliest memory of a best friend was when I was 11 and had just moved to a new town; I was the "new girl." Little did I know that my biggest bully at the time would turn out to be my other half and best friend ever! We shared the whole world together from my first hug with a boy, celebrity crush and diet plans to my first kiss and many more first times. She was indeed "The Old Friend" in my life. She was the person who convinced me that I looked beautiful, even with braces. She was the friend with whom I would spend the whole day, then relive the day over the phone until the wee hours of the morning. We'd see each other again the next day and still have plenty to talk about.

But it turned out I couldn't have her in my life forever; as a kid I moved to many different places and high school came quickly, as did the new town, school and friends. At this point the words "best friends" changed to just "friends." During my teens, I knew at some point I would need "The Old Friend" relationship again. I met my first real boyfriend in 2003. Besides the romantic advantage to our relationship, he turned out to be better than a girlfriend. The sleepovers and nail painting were missing, but what I felt was way better than having a slumber party. I was happy to have the advantages of a boyfriend and a girlfriend in one glorious relationship. But later, I was back at square one with no boyfriend or friend, and this is when I knew that I seriously need a girlfriend to talk to - breakups are difficult, and without a girlfriend around, the heartache is multiplied by three.

With all of this sudden wisdom, I realized that women need the feel-good hormone they get from spending time with girlfriends, oxytocin. As a woman who travels often, I have found it very difficult to bond with people knowing how hard it is to meet like-minded people, especially when the relationship may entail girl drama like judging, gossip and backstabbing. Every time I consider confiding in a girlfriend I ask myself, "Do I really want her husband, sister, friend and everyone else in her life to know?" The thought alone stresses me out! That means for me, friendship has become a thing that just comes and goes like the seasons.

I do know of one relationship that will outlast all, and that relationship is with my mother. She is everything I was looking for in others and more. She gives me exactly what I need when I need it most and distance or time apart has never failed our relationship. She is truly my human stress ball.

As many friends come and go I have learned to confide in my mother as she is the only one who truly knows me.

The term "girlfriend" does carry a lot of weight and high expectations that in my experience have never really blossomed. Therefore, it's still debatable what the word "girlfriend" means to me, and for now, "just friends" will do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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