Saving and giving face 

The popular Chinese idiom li shang wang lai (etiquette demands reciprocity) recalls the mutual nature of face. Saving one's own face and giving face to others is mutually beneficial. 

According to Mahamat, the concept's logic is simple. "If one can save his own face while giving face to his partners, he gains credibility," he says. "[This] will build a harmonious relationship for future interaction or communication." 

In daily interactions, typical activities that give face include not refusing a request directly. The Chinese believe it's rude to openly reject a request, and may give no response at all. Or instead of saying "no" outright, they often say "Maybe," "I'll think about it," "We'll see," or "Well, that might not be very convenient," as a way of implying a negative answer. The idea is to create ambiguity in order to avoid conflict. 

For instance, when queried by a foreigner, a Chinese person might answer "yes" but act as if they have said "no." The mixed message is supposed to alert a person that the real answer is "no," accompanied by an unspoken hope that the relationship can be salvaged.

According to Zhai, face is a strategy that protects self-respect and individual identity. For most Chinese, lying to save or give face is not considered a lie when the motivation was never to deceive.

To save face, most Chinese often do whatever they can to avoid looking bad in public. They can be unwilling to admit making mistakes openly, no matter how small the error is. 

According to a recent study done by China Youth Daily, over 93 percent of 1,150 respondents said that face is very important to them. Among these, 75 percent admitted that making an error in public was the most embarrassing experience they could ever have.

This also explains why most Chinese students are not as active as their Western counterparts in class participation. They need to avoid the risk of making a mistake and being corrected in front of others. 

Problems 

Though giving face to others is about preserving relationships, it may also limit possibilities and create confusion. Some might call it face's collateral damage.

"Foreigners will point out the problems directly in a meeting no matter how embarrassing it is. They can present 10 different proposals in the meeting and then have spirited conversations with you afterward. In comparison, in a Chinese meeting, people often keep silent. Even though they may disagree, for the sake of face, they tend not to voice their opinion. But after the meeting, 10 different voices may appear," Li says, giving her take on office culture. "It does harm to the organization's implementation capacity and effectiveness."

Face also causes problem in Mahamat's business. "Our consulting service is a particular service whereby sometimes the company first serves, and then gets payment," he explains. "There are situations when you don't directly tell your customers the conditions, the terms of payment, or that you need startup money. For the sake of face, you don't appear to mind. But at the end of the day, you may have [financial] trouble." 

In his book, Zhai describes other fallout that can occur. "Sometimes, some misunderstanding of the face concept may lead to issues like corruption, unhealthy competition, conspicuous consumption and the waste of resources," he writes. "People may do things just to show off."

Examples of the lengths people go to for the sake of face are myriad. Neighbors compete over who can afford to send their children to study abroad; young graduates take office jobs for little pay over blue-collar jobs with salaries two times higher; failed couples stay together instead of choosing to divorce. Other outcomes are too great a loss when it comes to face. 

Do as the Chinese Do

> Even though face may cause problems, its negative impact can be avoided. Its merits won't always be lost in the fray.

> Based on years of business experience, Mahamat suggests it's best to avoid face-losing conduct like directly addressing conflict, criticizing others, and showing anger in public. The good way to give a partner face, he says, involves frequently mentioning his achievements, and etiquette like giving gifts.

> Some may find it difficult to fully appreciate the critical role face plays in Chinese society. However, as Mahamat explains, "Foreigners who understand and practice the concept of face effectively are more likely to establish long-term partnerships with the Chinese."